Findings in our report “Body Liberation for Gender Equality in Europe” told that young women in all body sizes encounter body shaming frequently and did not trust sharing their troubles with family members or professional experts. While body shaming affects people of all genders, young women are particularly exposed to appearance-based social pressure, making supportive friendships and peer environments an important protective factor against the psychological and behavioural effects of weight stigma.

For young women, comments about weight, food, clothes, or appearance can become part of everyday life. Whatever the intention, these comments can cross a line and the harms accumulate over the time. If you hear such things targeted at somebody or know that a close person is experiencing such harms, there are many ways to support someone. Similarly to bullying and harassment in other situations, the most you can do is being present, empathetic and caring. This article will give a few ideas on how you can be there without causing more harm.

Say something when you can

There is no need to start an argument. A short comment can interrupt the situation and show your friend or family member that you do not agree with what is happening, and simultaneously make your friend or family member feel safer.

You could say:

• “Let’s not comment on people’s bodies.”
• “That’s not really okay to say.”
• “Shall we change the subject?”
• “I don’t think that’s funny.”

There will also be times when speaking up does not feel safe or possible. This can be especially true when the person making the comment is a parent, teacher, manager, healthcare professional, or someone else with more power in the situation. There are still other things you can do to support your friend, family member or even a stranger.

Check in

If you saw a friend, classmate, colleague, or another young woman being body shamed, you can ask how she is doing when you get a chance to speak privately.

It can be as simple as:

• “I noticed what happened earlier. Are you okay?”
• “I’m sorry they said that.”
• “Do you want to talk about it?”

Then listen. They might want to talk about what happened. They might want to leave it alone and do something completely different. Let them decide. You do not have to find the right solution. Sometimes it helps just to know that someone noticed and was on your side.

Don’t make reassurance about their appearance

When someone has been hurt by a comment about their body, it can be tempting to reassure them by saying, “But you’re not fat.” It may be meant kindly, but it can still reinforce the idea that being fat is something that needs to be denied or avoided.

Instead, focus on what happened:

• “You didn’t deserve that.”
• “I can see why that upset you.”
• “You don’t owe anyone an explanation about your body.”

Their body does not need to be defended or judged. The most important is to make them feel that their experience was acknowledged and taken seriously.

Watch the everyday body talk, too

Body shaming is not always an obvious and direct insult. It can be a part of everyday conversations about dieting, weight, food, clothes, and appearance. You can help by not joining in the mocking of bodies or food choices. You can change the subject, question a joke, or simply not laugh along.

It is worth noticing this kind of talk even when nobody in particular seems to be the target. When comments about bodies, food and weight become part of everyday conversation, they can reinforce the idea that our bodies are always open to judgement. Not joining in helps challenge that idea. Not participating and breaking these patterns contributes to changing the culture of valuing bodies for their looks.

The same applies online. Don’t share or like posts that make someone’s body the punchline. If someone you know is being targeted, send them a message. You can also report abusive content where appropriate.

Let people decide what support they need

Things can be complicated when body shaming comes from someone close, such as a parent, partner, friend, colleague, teacher, or healthcare professional. The person may not want to confront them, and they may have good reasons for that.

Try not to pressure them into taking action before they are ready. Ask what would actually help. Maybe they want you to listen. Maybe they want company. Maybe they want help thinking through what to do next.

If the comments keep happening at work, university, school, or in another setting where there is a responsibility to provide a safe environment, practical support can help too. You could help them find out who they can speak to, keep a record of repeated incidents, or go with them if they want support making a complaint.

You cannot control what other people say. But you can choose not to treat body shaming as normal or harmless. Sometimes being an ally is simply noticing what happened, checking in, and making sure someone knows they are not dealing with it on their own.